THE ROAD TO HELL IS PAVED WITH GOOD INTENTIONS

I guess that's what keeps running through the back of my mind listening to all these freaks here.

I'm getting real sick of my family, my roommates, etc. The only people who aren't pissing me off are my friends. Weird huh? Well I guess not really. Just means that I have good friends right? It's good to have good friends.....Wow that sounds cliche really....But it's true! And of course the one other person who isn't pissing me off is Kris *smile* of course he drives me crazy but that's a 'natural' talent he has.....

Ehh...I guess I should explain why everyone else in the free world is pissing me off. Well as you all know [or don't know] I'm graduating in about 12 days I think it is now? And my parents are naturally freaking out about me finding a job. Especially since they are feeling that being a psychologist isn't a field where I could get a job right. [But with the crappy economy right now, who can find a good job these days?] Last week my brother mentioned that there was a bank-telling job for the company I work for and that I should call. I wasn't able to call Friday, or Monday b/c one there was no one there on Friday and two my mom insisted that I make sure [for the 2O,OOOth time] that I make sure I'm graduating -- which means esp at this time longs lines at the registrar and for picking up my cap and gown. So I called today and found out that the job was taken. It's fuckin annoying me b/c when I talked to the guy about the position it didn't seem like it was really something that was open b/c it is a rather big office and I didn't really want this job in the first place.

My parents and brother kept pushing me to take it b/c they felt that it's going to be hard to find another job but I should be looking for another job? Does that make sense? So my mom kept torturing me about taking the job and that I need to grow up and stop being slow about taking opportunities b/c look at me now. I'm not going to grad school next year. And she rallied up my dad to threaten me that if I don't get this job or find another soon I'll be moving back to Bremerton and living with them. My brother keeps telling me I can't keep wasting my time working at the garage and building up my experience. But experience as what? He wanted to me get a job as a fuckin bank teller! Also my brother keeps giving me this feeling that I'm not going to make it in my life b/c I'm too _______ bah, too stupid and shy to even accomplish anything on my own. Then his stupid gf keeps asking me if I'm going to work at the Outback Steak house on b/c she just got a job there. But she has the same fuckin attitude as my brother does. Get experience.....work in a place that has nothing to do with your major. And why the hell did you choose psychology anyways? You're too meek to talk to other people. You know psychologists talk to people right? Don't even get me started on my brother's NON-Degree [meaning he never finished college] and his gf's I just need to take Spanish 1O3 and I'll finally have my degree after 4 years.

I know it sounds like I should understand where they are coming from. And I really do understand that they are just trying to look out for me. But it's horrible when your mom calls you up and just starts criticizing you for what you did and haven't done yet and about 3Omin later getting a call from your dad repeating everything that your mom just said but he's threatening to move you back to Bremerton........And then having to listen to some pompous jerks about getting some more dead-end jobs. As if I don't realize that working at that garage isn't going to fucking kill me if I work there forever.

*Sigh* I just keep getting so angry b/c they make feel like I'm a failure even before I finish school. Sorry I'm not some fuckin engineer or comp sci major like Michael or Christine. I didn't have that breakdown in sophomore year for nothing. I realized what I wanted to do and what I was good at so I went for it. That's more than a lot of people can claim for themselves. I just hate it when I tell people what I choose and they're all like "Oh, wow that's cool.....So, what's wrong with me? *goofy laughter ensues*" Or they get this look on their faces that says "Oh not good enough for a real degree huh?" Makes me want to go somewhere and scream my lungs out.......

Sorry for being so angry and cursing so much.....But if I don't exert all this damn energy somehow I'm going to explode one day.

Kris dear, don't get mad reading this. Please please please! I just needed to vent. =D I love you! I promise never to give up remember! Happy........47th Monthiversary I think it is? And HA! I beat you this month =D