WARNING!
The following post has some pretty strong words/opinions and quite frankly I'm not sure if I should even be posting this. But there's a lot I need to get off my chest. So please just bear with me and realize that this is a huge build up of mental anguish on my part.

And no, this has nothing to do with Kris. I love Kris with all my heart and soul. He is the one person in this world that fully understands me more than I understand myself.

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Feeling pretty indifferent towards people right now. That's a lie. Towards someone

I feel so.....shitty I guess....Depressed even. Why does it matter if I talk about this person anyways? The more I talk about them, trying to figure them out, the more I realize that it was just a sham. My part in this persons life meant absolutely nothing to them. Then I just proceed to cry my eyes out b/c there's nothing I can do to help the situation. Or is there? I'm not sure I've felt like I've tried so much to help it out.

I've finally seen you with my own eyes and all that I can feel is tears run down my face....

I must have meant nothing to you or else you wouldn't act like the way you do towards me. I guess you're lucky that no one else can see through your stupid facade. Or can they? I don't think so b/c I just look like a damn hypocrite to people. Do you know how much that hurts? Fuck, why would you anyways I was never important to you anyways. Probably more like a commodity to you or something.

I don't care if I don't talk to you for the rest of my life. It'll hurt now to say that but at least I could be at peace with myself. I can't keep letting myself be in a situation like this. I've let myself get taken advantage for too long.

Perhaps I'm just overreacting. If I am....just fucking let me. Ask me what the real problem is and maybe I'll tell you. Don't ask me online who I have a problem. If you really want to know come ask me face to face. With the exception of a FEW people who don't actually live in this state that I talk to I'd rather not have this be a saved IM converstaion. Why do I have to be the only one who can't feel anguish or pain. Do I always have to be the strong one? I am the strong one anymore? I'd like to think so. Ha, I guess I answered my own question.

Call me a drama queen and die. I really don't bitch that much about anything.

Don't think it's yourself either. I think unless you really know who I am then you'll figure out who I'm mad at.

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Stacie Orrico - [There's Gotta Be] More to Life

[ I've got it all, but I feel so deprived | I go up, I come down and I'm emptier inside | Tell me what is this thing that I feel like I'm missing | And why can't I let go | There's gotta be more to life... | Than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me | Cause the more that I'm... | Tripping out thinking there must be more to life | Well it's life, but I'm sure... there's gotta be more | Than wanting more | I've got the time and I'm wasting it slowly | Here in this moment I'm half way out the door | Onto the next thing, I'm searching for something that's missing | There's gotta be more to life... | Than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me | Cause the more that I'm... | Tripping out thinking there must be more to life | Well it's life, but I'm sure... there's gotta be more | Than wanting more | Than waiting on something other than this | Why am I feelin' like there's something I missed..... | There's gotta be more to life... | Than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me | Cause the more that I'm... | Tripping out thinking there must be more to life | Well it's life, but I'm sure... there's gotta be more | Than wanting more ]